Sam-I-Am

A Problem I would like opinions on from anyone!

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 14:29:17 GMT

Ok, so I'm 19 and a 35 year old man has asked me out!?! What do I do? I may go out with him a couple of times but what are some peoples opinions on this. I would really appreciate feedback.

Has it ever been a long time!

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 01:21:40 GMT

Well this isn't so much for my benefit as it is of me wondering how everyone is doing? (from GP) How is everything going? Any drasticly dramatic goings on? Who's who? Who's going out with who? If I come back to Winnipeg I want to be able to look you guys up? I miss you all a lot, and I just remembered about this journal as I was browsing through some anime sites, which is what really got me on this thing, along with a fun sleepover ^.^ Anyways drop a seed in the basket. Love ya.
Chingo

I'm an idiot!

Wed, 14 May 2003 03:55:10 GMT

I decided awhile ago that I wasn't going to get involved with any guys. I need to focus. Well in the midst of my focusing and going to this awesome program I managed to get tangled up. Grrrrrr! He has a typical crush name *Tyler* GRrrrrrrr! I'm so angry at myself. He already has a girlfriend, who I hear is a big bitch. *PLEASE* Anyway this one is an actual crush. I hate it. Cause he goes to another school. I like him a lot. I'm an idiot. Next time I sign up for something it's going to be girls only. Boys are too much trouble to mix with work. I'm so confused. My mother says to back off and wait till this girl gets chucked. But my friends say to go for it and steal him away. I know the right thing to do, but I really really like him. *Whins* (Bangs head with lamp like Dobby from Harry Potter) *cries* I am stupid. I am stupid. Well if anyone has advice or anything to add to my hopeless situation. Please feel free to write anything. *)* It's an elephant.

Anyways...

I'm Back.........

Mon, 05 May 2003 04:44:38 GMT

Wow has it been a long time or what!
I feel like a completely different person, since I last logged in, I'm working, I'm going to Europe, I'm volunteering. Next year will be my last year of school. I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. And it all feels fabulous. I like my job. I like most of my friends. I've rooted out the rotten apples.
ooooo....
I made a poem at work you have to here it.

MOE, JOE and BOE
There once was a man named joe.
Who raked his garden with a hoe.
He lived in a tree
Drinking bitter english tea
He once had a cat named Moe
Who lost his little toe
He went out one day
and went down the way
he went to play with Boe
Who owned a little crow
Moe wanted to eat the black bird
But Moe would not be heard.
The sun was hot and shining,
Joe and Boe were dining
Moe was low and stubed his toe
Moe began to blow
Joe rushed over
to tend to Dover
While Moe meowed in pain
Boe trew Moe in the lane
And gave him a speech of the brain
Moe ran away that awful day
Joe and Boe were sad to say
But Moe came back that May
MEOW!

Well this is what I get 8.75 an hour for. *.*
I like my job.
Have an awesome evening everyone!

Whatever.

Fri, 11 Oct 2002 12:33:44 GMT

I met this guy. He's super awesome, but of course he's from another place and he's far too old. *sighs*

OCTOBER

Sat, 05 Oct 2002 00:18:59 GMT

My favorite month ever. Guess what! I have a scandalous family secret. But of course I can't say anything. It's actually really hard for me to deal with. I've kind of gotten into the "fuck not again" mode. It's like as soon as me my mom and my sister start having a good life, and are making our way up from our hole, I big snake comes out of it's burrowing and scares us into falling back down. This is pretty much all I can say. My mom is all hush hush about it. I'm mad cause I can't tell anybody. I told Ms. Farrell my awesome teacher. I told my mom to fuck off, I need someone to tell. So that's my exciting Moffia life. Yeah Right.

Anyway I need to go for a roller blade, I ate too much at my grandparents. I didn't want to be impolite. Anyways, I'm off. Ta Ta Looks Like Rain.

Do the Cha Cha

Tue, 01 Oct 2002 02:08:16 GMT

I feel on top of the fricking world. I fit into these pants I have. They were too small on me and know they fit. I am in the clouds.
Anyway I did a little dabbling in the magicks today. It was interesting, it gets really warm when there are 20 candles burning. It was mostly just to calm me down. I've had a somewhat stressful day. I found out my mother is going away AGAIN. I'm stuck at mi abuelos for 2 and a half days. I just want to do my own thing. GRrrrrrrRR...School is ok. I love all my classes this semester except for psychology cause our teacher is brainless. She teaches us like we're in kindergarden, she totally underestimates our capability, I like being mentally stimulated...*thinks to self*... >.<...Probably why I don't have a boyfriend! Hehehe. I hate guys without a brain, but the guy has to be good looking too. Well I'm in for the search of a lifetime. Oh Well, If I travel a lot I've got to get a little variety. -,-
Ok I've been sitting here too long and I'm running out of things to say although I'm saying something which means I can't have nothing to say or else I wouldn't be typing right now.
Well that pretty much explains why I'm going to end it here.

Bonjour!

Fri, 27 Sep 2002 23:19:47 GMT

Well I'm setting a meeting with Mr.T, he's going to get exchange student pamphlets for me. I want to teach english in Europe so I'm thinking of going to Quebec and while I'm here right now I'm going to start learning German, and I'll probably continue learning while I'm in Quebec. If I go to Quebec, I really want to go, I'm also really excited. This is something I really want to do, I love langauges and I'm pretty good with them. I just have to focus, I mean if that's the only thing I'm focusing on I know I'll do well. Apparently Japan is also looking for Canadian's to teach English because they don't like the American accent. (sorry) So I'm super excited about that too. I can't wait until I get things underway, I'm going to take a linguistics course in university and other languages I'm going to do a lot of traveling. I'd eventually like to learn a few more languages, like greek, italian, and Russian. Who knows!? I've got my heart set on this, I want to take it all the way.

HEhehehe

Fri, 27 Sep 2002 12:40:31 GMT

Well I looked in the mirror this morning and was like..."Damn Girl, you look fiiiinnnne." I felt good about myself, yay. I went out for cheesecake with Dominique...her treat,(thank you soooo much) And then we drove around. Dominique has no sense of direction, it was funny we were going around in circles and Dominque didn't want to go onto one way street. Silly Dominique. Well I'm off for school now. See ya'll later.

FuCk

Thu, 19 Sep 2002 02:07:47 GMT

Well I thought I was doing well, I guess not. I've been having weight issues all summer. I didn't stop eating but I started eating less. I started feeling better, and really good about myself towards the end. *laughs* As soon as I got to school I felt like shit. Feeling sorry for myself is not the way I handled it. I went home and didn't feel like eating, I literally wasn't hungry. Then today I sat with a few friends, the only thing that went through my mind was " I am such a fat slob, look at me in my pants and shirt, I'm so fat" I don't like thinking this way, I like being happy with my friends. But all of them are so much skinnier then me and I feel like I'm not good enough for them. I've been kinda holding this in for 3 years. Ever since there started to be a huge difference in my friends weight and mine. I try and tell myself that I'm not that fat, and that I have a pretty face, but the guys all flirt around and have fun and then there is me. "like the guys" I don't want that, I like being a girl. I want the guys to see me as a female, not a fe-MALE. I didn't really want to put this in my journal cause I don't want people to be like. Oh my god, don't feel so sorry for yourself. I know people have worse problems then me, I just need to say something before I do something stupid. The thoughts that go through my head scare me. Well thanks for listening. I just needed to get my thoughts out.

Why...?

Sun, 15 Sep 2002 04:38:12 GMT

Well I can for sure say, I am officially love sick. Not that I'm in love with someone but I want to love someone. I have so many friends with a sweetie. I want one too. I may sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I can't stop the way I feel. I want someone to hold me and love me. I don't even need love, just someone who likes me more then friends. *sighs* I just have to let things be I guess. Not everything is going to come at once I suppose.

Sat, 14 Sep 2002 04:35:53 GMT

Bonjour, Je suis tres fatigue. Mon professuer(sp?) est dangue. Toujours parle on francais. Quand j'etais jeune j'aime le basketball, volleyball, hockey, et cinema. Mais aujourd'hui je suis fatigue et je ne voules pas pouvoir regarde le films a demain. C'est malade aujourd'hui. Tout le monde est dangue.
Tant pis pour toi. Je suis alle au cinema.
Je n'en reviens pas. Tout le monde est tres fatigue.

Je ne sais pas qui je suis parle.
I know what i wrote but i don't know if i wrote it correctly. I was just having fun. Hehehehehehehe

Sat, 14 Sep 2002 04:35:47 GMT

.

Fri, 13 Sep 2002 03:55:51 GMT

Tonight I die and go to hell.
Tomorrow I wake up and go to earth.
Yesterday I died and went to heaven.
I now I ring my bell.

Who would you die for?
Who would you give up money for?
Who would you do anything for in the blink of an eye?
Why would you die for someone?
Why would you give up money for someone?
Why would you do anything for someone in the blink of an eye?
How will I die?
Where do I go from here?
Can I go home?
Where is home, where is a true home?
What is a true home?
How do I find my true home?
Can I live knowing I'm not at home?
Who is your best friend?
What is a friend and a best friend?
Why is everyone so superficial?
Why do people get mad, sad?
How do we develop emotions?
I personally know the answers to some of these questions, but not many. Who else knows some of the answers. There are no right or wrong. Just wondering about what people think. First few are a bit down in the darkness but I just feel like that today.

Sleep...must...have...sleep

Mon, 09 Sep 2002 03:03:27 GMT

Oh dear god. I really shouldn't be typing or even near the computer right now. I have so much to do, like packing and waking up at 6:30 tomorrow morning. Then going to my uncles and having to make sure that i have all the things i need. It being that time of the month I'm somwhat stressing more then I would. Then I have an interview this week about volunteering, I have to find a way to talk my mom into paying the 120 dollars for fencing class. Plus I need to find a job. Dominique told me to go down to her flower shop. I think I might but i'm going to try out a few more ideas and then chain myself to the floor. *me the freelancer*
Then on the weekend my moms friend is coming over and the house must be spotless, that would be my job while attending to my lovely sister Abby. Talk about the sarcasim.
Well someday things will slow down and my life will be normal. HA HA HA. That would be wishful thinking on my part. Well must go pack now before I'm up till god knows when.
Sorry about the bout of sarcasim, i needed that.~.-

Hi much...

Sat, 07 Sep 2002 00:17:26 GMT

Well, this week was somewhat busy, I feel bad.
I got stomach cramps this afternoon -.- It hurt so much. First this morning I was having a great day Mrs.Sloane (aka ms.farrel) gave me a gift, several actually, I big fuzzy blanket from the Jysk store...mmmmm...*shoves face into fuzziness*, and she gave me this chest that's all antique*ish and super pretty, I open it up and it's got a little ty bear that says his name is poopsie and has a little song that goes with him, and I got some really good smelling candles. Anyway. I was walking down the hall after this and people started making fun of me, just playfully, but it kinda hurt that they couldn't just be happy for me like Scott was. So I went to chem class which was ok, but I was grouped with Maggi and Jenn, I hate Maggi, she is the biggest snob ever, rude much? She thinks she knows everything and when I'm right she gets all silent. So I'm moving along to French where the devil teacher awaits my arrival everymorning so she can harass me. Ms. Lisowski always picks on me, everyone else can be talking and not doing there work, but if I'm not doing my work she rags on me. So after the french infomercial I move along to english, one of my fav classes of the day, cause Ms. Farrell is there, that was a good class but I don't like some of the people aka *chelsea*. And then it is beautiful lunch time, by now I'm really feeling the cramps and me, Scott and Casey go to Tim Horton's where I had a bagel, we then head back to school and voila! Here comes the most boring class I'll ever be in, Psychology! I thought it would be pretty good looking at the brain. NOT. Ms. Scott needs some teaching skills. Then I don't even have to move I get to stay in my desk for the next period of History with the high strung short tempered Ms.Parker, whom can be nice but also grrrrr! I handed in my work and once again people made fun of me cause I typed out my notes on the computer, I was like k ya know what I felt like it, I'm the one who has to study from them. Then Ms. Parker leaves and guess who walks in...DEVIL TEACHER! Oh my god. Can you imagine. As soon as she sees me she's like "oh sam you sit in the back in this class too?"
"yes I do and I like it at the back doesn't mean I'm going to get any less work done I just don't need the teacher at my beck and call. *cramps are going full throtle now. I'm about ready to hurl. Then I came home and found my house empty and was like what the hell...so I get a call from my gramps saying he's taken Abby to the Children's Hospital, my mind going a hundred miles a minute expects the worst and he's like "abby sprained her ankle" YEAH RIGHT! Abby turns out was more then likely pushing her attention span. It was crazy. I am like so tired. My mom won't be home till 11 so I'm stuck watching my sister when I could be out doing something with Dominique which I would really like to do. I was super disappointed cause Dominique is almost never free and she was today and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Well this is my life in a nut shell for today, pretty good all the way around.

Well...Well...Well...

Thu, 29 Aug 2002 03:59:38 GMT

Well I'm really tired, just finished reading.

I had chem homework today, we have a lab tomorrow so we had to do our pre-lab questions. Yuck. Then I argued with the counsellor that taking English wouldn't be too hard for me. My god. Then two teachers told me I shouldn't rush by taking grade 12 english, I'm not frickin rushing, I just feel like doing it. What is so wrong with that?

Anyway I'll see yall tomorrow, well some of you! >.

I have decided.

Wed, 28 Aug 2002 02:12:51 GMT

It's time to move on to plan B.

I have been working out all summer, like 25 hours a week. I'm exhausted I haven't lost anything I feel just like I did when the summer started and with school getting in gear I won't be able to pull off 25 hours.

I have done hours of research, been a huge skeptic and I think I'm going to try the ab tronic thingy. I've gone around and collected info on it. I'm borrowing from a friend so I'm not waisting my money. If it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't. I'm just sick of being the "bigger girl" I hate. I shiver at the very mention of it. I don't want to be skinny just happy with myself. For the most part I am, working out has really boosted my self esteem, my heart sees me one way and my eyes and mind see me another. I want both to be happy.
I've been having bad dreams lately about me dying and loosing parts of my body which I don't really want to say on here, But I would just like to be able to run, jump and pounce with my friends and not be afraid.

I know what your thinking. OH MY GOD SAM! Well I'm not getting my hopes up. Frankly I dought it will work but I'm tryin stuff, no way in hell am I going to get on those pills, I don't even take tylenol, I good slab of cucumber relieves my headache. Anyway before I bore you all I would just like to say that I'm not completely insane.

!@@##L@#@#@##%$#&^%*#^%^#$!$@#~

Mon, 26 Aug 2002 23:55:05 GMT

Wow! Tomorrow school starts.

I'm excited, nervous, happy, sad, and totally TIRED.

I'm at my uncle's and I get to stain the deck in a little while. grrr. Anyway I can't wait to see Dominique, Jess, Nisa, Claire, Jen Hayward, Maggi, Scott, and all the wonderful people.

I have classes with almost everyone and one point which is good. I feel rejuvenated, I'm ready for another year of the pits. -.^
I love you guys. *group hug*
See yall tomorrow.

I don't think I've ever felt so good!

Mon, 26 Aug 2002 14:24:56 GMT

I feel grrrrrrreat!
I feel so much better. I had a conversation with a friend named Mario, if you look in my friends journal you would be able to read it. I feel super.
I know now I'm not all alone, there is someone else you feels EXACTLY like me.

IT'S GREAT!

Note: Thanks Mario.

Ba dum ch!

Mon, 26 Aug 2002 03:15:49 GMT

It's another one of those days. I am so tired. It's finally hitting me! I'm not ready for school. I felt like I was and now I'm crumbling. I've had a full weekend and I have a super full week.
I'm going to be sick!-.-
I've got major class changing to do when I get to the school, I wrote it all out so I don't think it should envolve to much effort.
My step brother matt is coming to the school and I'm going to spend lunch with him. I'm so excited I totally forgot he was coming to my school. I'm super happy. He's over at my house this evening, he's going to sleep over. He's in gr.7. He's so cool. I just hope he does ok at my school, he's had a history of getting teased and walked over. Well he'll have a few gr. 11 and 10 friends to keep an eye out for him. We all know how mean Spamela can get. -.^

Allo!

Sun, 25 Aug 2002 02:04:02 GMT

Well I'm in a fairly good mood.
I went and volunteered at picnic in the park in the North End today. I had a lot of fun with the kids they were great. We played scrabble, bingo, a big board game, made puppets, posters, all sorts of stuff. I had a good time.

I'm also drinking chlorophyl now it's super good.

I'm excited about school, but I know it's going to be a super hard year. I went out with scott yesterday, he has this waky girl who came with us, she was soooooo rude. GRRRRRRRRRRRrr! @#*^%$#! I hate people like that. Anyway she talked about stupid things that I don't really want to discuss I'm tired and don't feel like typing the whole big shabang.

Anyways can't wait to see everyone in school on Tuesday. *Gets a nuse(sp?) ties one end to the beam and makes a loop puts head through and jumps* jk.

Fri, 23 Aug 2002 01:57:36 GMT

You might say I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I feel really bumed lately that I don't have a special someone. I always think about how my friends always have that special person, but I don't, I mean sure there is the fling here and there, but nothing ever comes out of that, my longest relationship was 4 months. I just think about it and am like, why and who would ever want to be with me. This sounds pathetic I know, but I'm really am thinking this way. I try not to and then say there is someone out there for all of us, but in my present situation I'm like look at all these people who are with someone and happy and I'm alone. I mean sure I have great friends the best I've ever had, but the relationship is different with something like that. I don't know. Maybe this year will hold new prospect.

So much has happened this summer, I called friends and told them what I've been up to and they think I'm weird.
Reading
Writing
Cleaning
Laundry
Cooking
Babysitting
Swimming
Horse Back riding
Bacterial Disease curing
Thinking
School Supply Shopping
Grocery Shopping
Now you'd think this was normal. Well I do most of it all alone. My mom is at work non stop, sure she tries to help but she can't always be there. I'm frustrated. I need a shoulder to cry on.
I'm going to see scott tomorrow so we'll talk about a whole load of SHIT.

I need...

Wed, 21 Aug 2002 00:55:56 GMT

someone with me during the day.
someone I can count on.
someone who will be there for me no matter what.
Well I've been alone with my sister for too long, she is getting annoying. I've had to buy groceries, school supplies, do laundry at the scary laundry mat, take care of my sister and her bacterial disease *yuck*
I'm growing up to fast is my conclusion. I am trying to be more like a kid but everytime I do something happens and I'm in my pit of early adulthood.
This year is coming soon and I'm scared as hell. I'm going to get a math tutor, because I want to have a good mark. I want to pass my exam "well".

Life...what a funny thing.

Wed, 14 Aug 2002 20:41:32 GMT

MY SISTER IS SOOOO BITCHY.
She scratched me and made me bleed, pitched my finger in the door, and i almost got my toe cut off. My god. She's psycho she took her ladder and banged it up against the door almost crushing the cats tail.
I really despise her at the moment.